I recently got an email from an organization looking for a Senior Engineer to work on their project.

I responded:

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out. Can you tell me a little more about the technology you’re using and the make up of your team?

Thanks,

Nikki

A few minutes later, I received their response:

Hi Nikki,

Thanks for getting back to me. I hope the below information can answer your questions.

OUR TECHNOLOGIES

[redacted] has a few applications in place that will serve as basic building blocks. You will improve these applications to reflect best practices in software, build an API framework to shape a software ecosystem at [redacted], and integrate these applications to create a seamless, intuitive user experience. You will also lead the creation of wholly new applications as [redacted]’s software needs mature. In doing so, you will be a pioneer and trailblazer in the rapidly maturing [redacted - industry] technology space, leading the development of a cutting edge online [redacted - industry] platform.

OUR TEAM

We currently have a nimble product team that includes a full-time developer, a full-time product manager, and other colleagues with expertise in online [redacted - industry], media production, web infrastructure, and [redacted - industry]. Our CIO has a track record of launching software and technology architecture.

REALLY? SEEEERIOUSLY? You’re going to appease a developer by sending some elevator pitch buzzwords about best practices and software ecosystems? I responded with a polite thanks-but-no-thanks, but now I have the perfect pile of bullshit to give to any startup looking to completely obfuscate their technology stack. This is for you blogr.io, gab.le, snap.zi, chatd.og or whatever silly web 2.95 names are coming next.